First Unhaul of 2021

I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m ready to clear out. As I was considering my reading goals for this year and my giant TBR, I made a realization. I have a bunch of books I don’t want to read.

See, here’s the thing: I firmly believe there are no such things as “Must Read Books.” I know that people love making those lists, 1001 Books You Must Read Before You Die, so on. I think everyone should read what they want. Sure, there are some books that are collectively considered classics, but that doesn’t mean I think there’s any one book that every single person person should read. Just like there’s a reader for every books (probably), not every book is for every reader.

And yet I have been pretty proud of my eclectic reading. And I am perpetually curious – I want to know everything. OK, maybe not everything, but almost everything. I will sometimes tackle tough subjects. But the past couple of years, my anxiety has been climbing. With the lockdown and political events and my personal life, I just can’t deal with books that make me more anxious or depressed. I don’t really know when that’s going to change any time soon. Not this year, that’s for sure, and maybe not next year or the year after. So I decided it was time to get rid of these unread books.

Books I won’t read (starting at the top of the pic)

Nothing to Envy: Ordinary Lives in North Korea by Barbara Demmick

Not sure where I got this one. It does sound interesting, but this just sounds too difficult.

Be Frank with Me by Julia Claiborne Johnson

Thrift store find. This one doesn’t sound too difficult, it sounds annoying. Quirky child, heartwarming. Not for me.

A collection of old paperback cookbooks, including Amazing Avocados or Jif Easy Mix.

My mom’s old books.

Say You’re One of Them by Uwem Akpan

Used book store. This is a collection of short stories, mostly about African children in miserable circumstances. I didn’t know that when I bought it. I can’t stomach reading about child abuse.

My Story by Elizabeth Smart

Thrift store. I think I bought this because I admire her and the way she advocates for missing and exploited children. But I have to honest: there’s no way I can read this book.

Schindler’s List by Thomas Keneally

Used book store. I read a book about one of Schindler’s survivors last year so I guess I thought I’d be okay to read this. Not now.

A Train in Winter: An Extraordinary Story of Women, Friendship, and Resistance in Occupied France by Caroline Moorehead

Used book store. About a bunch of French women, some Resistance workers, sent to Auschwitz.

Liberty and Freedom by David Hackett Fischer

Library sale. I really like this writer; the only reason I got rid of this book is because it weight like 10 pounds. If I want to read it, I’ll get in on Kindle. This edition is just a doorstop.

Books I read and don’t want to keep

I Am Half Sick of Shadows by Alan Bradley

ARC. I liked this one, but not enough I need to keep it.

The Girls of Atomic City: The Untold Story of the Women Who Helped Win World War II by Denise Kiernan

Used book store. Pretty good book, but too many unnecessary details, strangely organized.

Our First Murder by Torrey Chanslor

Amazon. I don’t remember a single detail about this book except that I named one of my characters after one of the MC.

The Asylum by John Harwood

From a friend. Pretty satisfying Gothic.

Woolly: The True Story of the Quest to Revive One of History’s Most Iconic Extinct Creatures by Ben Mezrich

Used book store. Silliest book I’ve read in a while. To be clear, it’s the scientist I find silly, not the writer. But the writing was bad too. DNF. Maybe someone else will read it for the laughs.

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I’m planning to trade all of these (except the little cookbooks; they went in the trash) for new/used books at Pioneer Book. That way I can buy books I will actually read. I admit, I’m still fretting a bit about getting rid of these. I feel a little like a quitter. But honestly, I don’t have to read every book there is. I even removed about 100 books from my Goodreads TBR. This year I’m reading books that I enjoy. Everything else can wait.

Anxiety Strikes – DNFs

Photo by Suzy Hazelwood on Pexels.com

2020 Stinks!

How’s it going? Hope you are all well. I have been noticing how much my anxiety has increased this year and affected me in new discouraging ways. First of all, I’m pretty overwhelmed trying to keep up my blog. Some days I just want to quit, but I remind myself that I was doing this to find connection with other readers, not to be the ‘perfect blogger.’ So I’m going to keep going, even if the intervals between posts are sometimes long and irregular. Maybe I if I have some good days I can schedule several posts out.

Second, I’m having trouble watching anything. When I told people I broke my foot, everyone says, “Oh, so you have lots of time for Netflix!” Except that it doesn’t work that way. Every show that has even a little suspense is totally overwhelming. Happy reality shows are pretty good, but I’ve watched most of them. And sometimes they are too boring. I’m frustrated about that.

I liked this one!

The one that affects me most of all here – because this is a book blog- is that I’m having a hard time reading. I keep losing interest in stuff after 20 minutes and then I put it down. And my Pioneer Book reading challenge, where I’m almost finished, has really slowed down. I finally admitted that I wasn’t going to read a couple of especially heavy books, and chose something happier.

But really, why aren’t I reading the books I own and have unpacked? Because these are all the depressing books. All my feel-good favorites are still packed. At least there’s still Overdrive so I can get ebooks and audio from my library.

Currently I am listening to my book club pick, The Dressmaker’s Gift by Fiona Valpy in print and on audio, and With Malice Toward None: The Life of Abraham Lincoln by Stephen B. Oates in print. Both are pretty good, but like I said, not keeping my interest. Maybe I just need another nap!

I’m Back!

Hello again! It’s been a LONG time – like six months! – but I am finally back. I didn’t mean to be gone so long, but things have been crazy around here and I just couldn’t find the energy to blog.

Here’s the tea: I blog because I want to connect with other readers about the stories we love. It keeps me going. My love for books and getting to talk with others as passionate as I am – that helps me feel less alone.

But i have to balance that with real life, just like everyone does. And when my real life gets too stressful, I just can’t spend time online. Which is unfortunate, because that connection is what helps me get through the stress. But that’s how it goes.

So what was going on that was so important that I couldn’t be here? My daughter almost died. She took an overdose of benzos and wound up in a coma for three weeks. During that time we just waited, waiting to see if she would wake up at all, if she would wake up and recognize us, if she would remember anything, if she would have organ failure, or brain damage, or some other terrible consequence.

The good news is that she did wake up, and she has recovered about 95% from before the overdose. The bad news is that her emotional state remains fragile. I expect another attempt this year. I hope I am wrong. I pray that I’m wrong. But this is not her first attempt, and I don’t think it will be her last.

I had a really hard time sharing that. I have loved having this blog be just about me and the books. It’s simple and clean. But I am not ashamed of mental illness and I know that it festers in darkness and in secret. So I’m being open and vulnerable, in the hopes that someone else will read this and take comfort in knowing that they are not alone. I would love to have a happy ending here, but I don’t have that. Life is messy. It hurts. But it’s very impermanence is what makes it valuable. Fragile things are precious.

So that’s my dramatic story, but the bottom line is that I’m back, I’m reading, I have more stuff to say. If you do want to talk about the mental health stuff, feel free to send me a message or a DM over on Twitter at https://twitter.com/cindy_bohn. We can chat there and I’m happy to listen. Otherwise, I have a back log of books to review and I will be back!

Review: Along Came Jones

This book was received in exchange for an honest and unbiased review. My opinions, however, remain my own. Thanks for the chance to read this book!

Title: Along Came Jones

Author: Victoria Bernadine

Summary: Benjamin Ferrin Macon-Jones has it all: a luxurious lifestyle in Toronto and the love of an intelligent, ambitious woman…until that same woman refuses his marriage proposal, tells him he’s a detriment to her career, and leaves him. Unable to deal with his cantankerous family trying to be supportive, he quietly slips away into the Canadian countryside.

Lou Upjohn has problems of her own. She’s a recluse and agoraphobic, staying safely within the walls of her ancestral home in small town Saskatchewan and depending on Ike, her best and only friend, to deal with the outside world.

Only Ike’s just married another woman and now he’s moving to Vancouver. Before he leaves, he hires the new guy in town, Ferrin Jones, to run her errands and do her yard work. Lou isn’t happy, but even she has to admit the stranger looks mildly interesting.

Both their lives could be changed forever if she only has the courage to open the door. 

My thoughts:

I don’t read much contemporary romance, like, at all, so I was a little surprised to be approached to review this story. However, I am pretty open about my mental health issues, and I found that angle intriguing enough that I said yes. I’m so glad I did!

I am really not a fan of the insta-love that substitutes for a real relationship in so many new books. Maybe that’s because it’s primarily YA, but I *so* don’t want to read about a couple who meet, fall in love, and fall into bed. I’m not into those books. If you are, hey, good for you, but I want real people who have time to get to know one another before they fall.

So this book was a breath of fresh air for me. I loved the MCs – Ferrin was just so appealing, with his crazy family and optimistic attitude. I can see why Lou fell for him – he’s just a great guy. And Lou, she’s so real and so much stronger than she has given herself credit for being. I liked that she didn’t magically overcome her panic attacks. The pacing felt pretty realistic. The bad guy is just human garbage and I was glad to see them get what they deserved.

If you are looking for a good romance with a great small town setting, I would definitely recommend this one. The author says she’s been writing for a long time, and it shows. Recommended.

Author Interview: Brent Jones

How far must we travel to find our way home?

Today I have something special – my first interview with an actual author! I’m pretty excited! Shenanigans over at Reads and Reels organized this book promotion, but I actually got to read the book and ask the author a few questions.

The book is Fender: A Novel by author Brent Jones. You can get it here from Kindle Unlimited.

The book is about Brennan, a middle-aged guy whose life has been turned upside down when his wife and daughter are killed in an accident. He’s ready to hole up in his house and surrender to the grief, but thanks to his friends, he agrees to go on a road trip, just the guys and his beloved dog, Fender.

It was a change of pace for me, to read a book from a squarely male perspective. The only female characters in here are presented in flashbacks or as bit characters. I could really feel the difference in the way the book worked, but I enjoyed the difference.

I’ve traveled by car a lot in my life, driving to visit relatives, moving, family vacations – so I could really imagine that part of the book. There’s something magical about the open road. It really does feel liberating.

Brent Jones

From bad checks to bathroom graffiti, Brent Jones has always been drawn to writing. He won a national creative writing competition at the age of fourteen, although he can’t recall what the story was about. Seventeen years later, he gave up his freelance career as a social media manager to pursue creative writing full-time. Fender and The Fifteenth of June are his first two novels.

Interview Q & A

1. What inspired you to write this book?

As I mentioned in the afterword, my wife and I took a cross-country road trip with our dogs back in 2015. I recently published a blog post with photos and the itinerary from that trip. It was a life-changing experience traveling across America by car, and the road trip in Fender largely follows the same path we took.

I’m sometimes asked why I write contemporary fiction—literary fiction, as some call it. How come I don’t write about vampires or killer robots or contact with Martians? The answer is pretty simple. I think truth is strange enough without needing to invent alternate worlds. And when I come up with ideas for stories, I usually try to take two or more seemingly unrelated real life experiences and find a way to mash them together.

I started with the road trip idea and blended it with experiences I’ve had with my dog, Gibson, who much like the beagle protagonist in my book, is named after a guitar. Gibson has helped me through some difficult times, and I started wondering if there was a way I could combine the two ideas of a vehicular adventure and the comfort of a canine friend.

Both aspects of the story were worth telling, I thought. And so I worked backwards—what circumstances would need to transpire to bring together the therapeutic love a dog with a cross-country road trip? And that’s how Fender was born.

2. Where did you get the idea for Brennan and his close friendship with the guys? Is that based on real life?

I wish it were based on real life. I can’t say I have any close friends from childhood. For that matter, I’m a bit of an introverted loner as an adult. But there is something to being able to connect with people you share a history with. There’s an instant bond there, especially if those shared experiences include elements of overcoming adversity together. For two people to abandon their families and leave town for several weeks just to help out a friend, I figured they must share some pretty deep roots. And I felt that a shared experience of childhood poverty and neglect would be a powerful enough reason to forge such a bond.

3. Fender the dog is central to the story. Tell us a story about your dogs.

Fender, the dog, is largely based off Gibson, who is a pug mix and five-and-a-half years old. But the dog who usually gives us the most stories is Stirling, our four-year-old lab mix. It’s becoming a running (albeit unfunny) joke that whenever we travel with Stirling, we need to map out all the nearby emergency vet clinics.

When driving through California, Stirling got into something at a dog park and ended up ill for the rest of our road trip. He couldn’t hold down water or food after that. Last year we rented a waterfront property for two weeks in Nova Scotia, and Stirling decided to make friends with a porcupine. He needed several quills removed from his face in the middle of the night, and the closest vet was an hour away by car.

He’s a good boy—he comes to see me every morning for a hug! I’ll be sitting at my desk and he’ll walk up beside me, place a paw on my leg, wait for me to turn, then stand upright and wrap both his front paws around my neck. It’s just part of our routine and it happens just like clockwork. He’s a lot more work than Gibson, but he can be a lot more affectionate, too.

4. I loved the author’s note about the road trips you took before writing this book. Is there anywhere you’d like to visit that you haven’t been yet?

There are many places in the world I still hope to visit one day. But for the sake of staying consistent with road trips and the themes in Fender, I’m going to pick a location in the United States. My wife is originally from Atlanta, and we’ve made several drives there from Fort Erie. We recently drove to Washington, DC for a wedding and Miami, Florida for a funeral. Between us, we’ve been just about every state, and we’ve logged an absurd number of hours on the road. But there is one state I’ve always wanted to visit and neither of us have been, and that’s Tennessee. I’d love to drive out to Nashville or Memphis—or both!—for a few days to check out the local music scene and tour the Gibson guitar factory. We’ve driven through parts of the state, but have never stopped.

How well can you know someone?

Title: Everything’s Fine

Author: Janci Patterson

Kira and Haylee are best friends. They’ve known each other forever, and they don’t have any secrets. Do they? After Haylee kills herself, Kira is left wondering just how well they knew each other after all.

Kira is devastated and confused. She knew Haylee was depressed, but she never expected this to happen. Now she’s wondering what kind of friend doesn’t notice something so big. Maybe Haylee’s journal would help explain why she did it, but it’s gone missing.

Everyone else seems just as puzzled, but Kira can’t help feeling she’s the only one who really misses Haylee. Kira can’t stop life from going on, but between Haylee’s parents, gossipy kids at school, and Haylee’s cousin, no one else understands.

I picked this up since Janci is a fellow Utah writer. If you have teenagers, it’s a bit harrowing. And if you have teenagers with mental health issues, it’s really going to hit home. I think that teenagers or young adults would get into this book too. It was a very quick read.

Mental Health Matters

I was going to do this great post today all about mental health and stuff but I’m too upset to think. So here’s what it boils down to:

1. Be nice to other people. You don’t know what they’re going through.
2. Be nice to yourself. You deserve it.
3. If you are feeling the strain, talk to someone.
4. If someone reaches out to you, just listen. Don’t preach. Just listen.

Love to you all.

Book Review: Winter by Marissa Meyer

Title: Winter (The Lunar Chronicles, book 4)

Author: Marissa Meyer

Genre: YA dystopian science fiction

Princess Winter is the stepdaughter of Queen Levana of Luna. Her wicked stepmother plans on becoming Empress of the Eastern Commonwealth, killing Cinder, and ruling all of Earth. But not before she tortures a few pathetic souls who get in her way.

Winter could possibly stand up to her, because she’s also has powerful Lunar mind control gift, but for *reasons* she refuses to use her gift. And that causes her to hallucinate.

That’s everything you need to know about Winter. Oh, except that she is EXCEPTIONALLY beautiful – so much that when every single person sees her for the first time, they are struck SPEECHLESS by her AMAZING beauty. And all the people love her more than her horrible stepmother.

As you can probably tell, I wasn’t exactly in love with this book myself. In fact, I had a lot of problems with the basic premise. As a person with mental illness and a mom of three kids who have mental illness, I really objected to the way people nicknamed Winter “Crazy” and made light of her hallucinations. Even Scarlett, who is her friend, still calls her crazy. And why does she refuse to use her powers? Because she doesn’t want to deceive anyone. Right. So she’d rather believe that the walls are bleeding than make herself look a couple of inches taller. The whole thing was ridiculous and offensive. Let me tell you, if I could make my depression disappear, you better believe I would find a way to do it. And what about hallucinations? You could turn your hair green, make your kids thing the vegetables they were eating were ice cream, anything at all. There are 100 ways you could use this power without hurting anyone. Because living with hallucinations IN REAL LIFE is pretty much hell.

There’s other stuff to the book too. In fact, Winter and her morose boyfriend Jacin are really the least interesting part. But I’m still so freaking furious about this angle that I don’t even care about the rest of the story right now. I will say that I loved Iko, and I would have loved to read more about her.

If you have already read this series, then you should definitely read the conclusion. But be warned, Winter’s story is really messed up.

Kill It with Fire: Mental Illness as a Plot Device

I have mental illness. This is not a secret. I’m not trying to hide it. I don’t generally open with this fact, but it’s there, and I deal with it.

According to fiction, I should either be living on the streets, plotting to burn down a school, or killing myself right this second. I’m not doing any of those things.

Or I could be in a mental hospital. That’s a popular trope in fiction. But I’ve never been admitted as a patient to the hospital, although I do see a therapist semi-regularly; I am on medication, and I do have family members who have been admitted to the hospital for mental health issues.

Their experience in the hospital is nothing like most fictional characters. They are not surrounded by sadistic or uncaring nurses, have not been tied to the bed or forced into a straight jacket. No one else managed to commit suicide while they were patients, although one patient did self harm, and that caused a new series of lockdowns. There’s no way to sneak out, have sex with other patients, and you can only be kept without your consent for about 24 hours.

That’s not to say it’s relaxing vacation. They do a body cavity search at some hospitals, you get asked the same annoying questions every day (Why are you here? What is your stress level?) You are surrounded by people most of the day. If you stay in your room, they check on you. You have to attend group therapy sessions. The food is boring. Visitors are really, really important, but it can be awkward too.

The thing is, there are a lot of things that define me more than my mental illness. My crazy (pardon the word choice) love of books, the fact that I read extremely fast, and how I completed almost 250 books last year. My seeming eternal struggle to get healthy, which is complicated by a food addiction (wait, that’s a mental health issue), which has got me on a ketogenic diet and going to the gym. My sarcastic, smart aleck sense of humor, which has gotten me into trouble over the years.

In fact, I would rather you say ANYTHING ELSE AT ALL when describing me instead of – “Oh, that’s Speedy Reader. She has depression.” How about, “Oh, that’s Speedy Reader. She likes to read.” Maybe a little obvious. But “Oh, that’s Speedy Reader. She’s one opinionated bitch,” would still be an improvement over the first comment. And it’s true. I am always opinionated and sometimes bitchy.

Writers, please, please, please keep this in mind when you’re writing. It may be trendy right now to talk about mental illness. This is an improvement over the years where it was such a taboo that everyone was ashamed to admit such a thing existed. But using it as a way to give your characters a back story is not an improvement. If you want to see a book about mental illness that’s done right, how about Challenger Deep by Neal Shusterman? It’s incredibly moving and real. But how about some books where the character happens to have a mental illness, but it’s not the central defining characteristic of the person? Like The One in  a Million Boy by Monica Wood.

Basically, if you’re writing about neurodiversity, mental health, or treatments for mental health, DO YOUR RESEARCH! You’re not helping by perpetuating false stereotypes. That’s sloppy writing. It’s not edgy. It’s offensive. It’s hurtful. I am a complex person, not just whatever my brain chemistry says. I’m more than that. Come on, fellow writers. Get it right.

Book Review: Cat Daddy

Title: Cat Daddy: What the World’s Most Incorrigible Cat Taught Me About Life, Love, and Coming Clean

Author: Jackson Galaxy, the guy on My Cat From Hell

Genre: Memoir, animal behavior

This is not Jackson Galaxy’s cat pictured above. It’s my cat, Tina, who adopted us one Valentine’s Day. I stick to my story that I thought she was a present from my husband who knew how much I wanted a cat. By the time he came home from work, we had cat food, a little box, and three little kids who were in love with the pretty kitty.

As you can tell, I am definitely a cat person. So I was prejudiced in favor of his show and his book. He’s got an amazing rapport with animals, especially cats. He just connects with them. I really admire the guy.

But I had no idea what a mess the dude was before he got clean. Back in the day, the only part of his life that made sense and did not revolve around substances of various kinds was the part he spend with animals. They worked magic. But it wasn’t until he adopted Buddy, an abandoned cat with a broken pelvis, that he began to feel the need to get clean.

It wasn’t easy. It was amazing that he survived. After his first bout of getting clean from drugs, he still had drinking, prescription abuse, and finally food to detox from. I could totally related to his abuse of Klonopin, as I have a close friend who does the same thing. She’s realized how deeply it has affected her, but she can’t seem to give it up entirely. Jackson was much more lucky that he should have been. He didn’t even wind up in the psych ward for any length of time (Although at one point, he wanted to be. He knew he needed help. But his doctor wouldn’t admit him.) After lots of serious work and a move he finally got clean.

This one is recommended reading, especially for anyone who doesn’t fit the mold and is having trouble visualizing a way to achieve their dreams. Jackson didn’t fit in, but he still created his own success. 4 stars